A Very Dead Duck
By DivineOmega | June 11, 2007
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, “I’m so sorry, your pet has passed away.”
The distressed owner wailed, “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. The duck is dead,” he replied.
“How can you be so sure”, she protested. “I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few moments later with a pair of Labrador Retrievers. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dogs stood on their hind legs, put their front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. They then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook their heads. The vet patted the dogs, took them out of the room and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the bird from its beak to its tail and back again. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”
Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “£150!” she cried. “£150 just to tell me my duck is dead?!!”
The vet shrugged. “I’m sorry. If you’d taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20. But what with the Lab Reports and the Cat Scan, it all adds up.”
Tags: Animals, Humour | No Comments »
Super Mario Bros. Z
By DivineOmega | June 9, 2007
Super Mario Bros. Z is a great Mario series (including more recent appearances from Sonic and crew) using original Nintendo and Sega sprites. It’s good fun, and a lot more action-packed than the original Mario…
Tags: Mario, Nintendo, Sega, Sonic | No Comments »
WiTricity
By DivineOmega | June 8, 2007
Imagine getting home after a long day and just throwing your coat down on a chair and putting your laptop case right down alongside it. Remarkable you might say.. what? No. That’s just something that happens. Why did I even say that?
Well, in the future I am thinking of, something remarkable would happen.
Imagine, a few hours later.. your mobile goes beep. What’s that? You’re popular? Nah, no such luck. Your mobile phone has finished charging. Another beep a few minutes later indicates that your PDA has done so as well, oh yes - and your laptop. It’s of interest to note here that your phone and PDA are in your coat… and your laptop is still just laid down by your chair. Do you have a magical ‘power-coat/chair’ in this fictional scenario I have just made up for your reading pleasure. No, dur, this is WiTricity… Wireless Electricity.
“US researchers have successfully tested an experimental system to deliver power to devices without the need for wires. The setup, reported in the journal Science, made a 60W light bulb glow from a distance of 2m (7ft).”
In the future this technology could be used in the situation I described just, a household power circuit, that is non-physical in nature. Resonating coils stored in the basement or attic could be used to transmit electricity throughout the entirety of a household making the use of ‘mains’ power connectors completely redundant. The convenience of such a system would be truly incredibly.
Tags: Electricity, Science, Technology, Wireless | 1 Comment »
Do Not Install Linux On The Toilet
By DivineOmega | May 31, 2007
Tags: Humour, Linux, Open Source | No Comments »
Examination Aftermath
By DivineOmega | May 20, 2007
Finally, all my exams are over and I so far I have received one out of three results, that result being a pass. Obviously, I’m pleased and am relatively confident in passing my C++ exam, whilst my assembly test and exam is am somewhat more doubtful about. Luckily if all goes to plan however, I’ll be taking a one year break from all this “education, education, education” that is deemed so good for me, and will be preparing myself for the working environment. This coming year I am getting an industrial placement. Real work.
So far, I have applied to about six companies. Out of those six companies, I have had three replies, all in the short space of three days. Two of these are high school support positions, which may come to involve teaching the kids basic computing and will without a shadow of a doubt revolve around proceeding to fix all the computers they feel the need to blow up. The other is council employment in which I will be managing various top-secret project to rule the world, or something similar.
Tags: Computers, Education, Examinations, Programming, University | No Comments »
The Big Red Button
By DivineOmega | May 10, 2007
Tags: Humour | No Comments »
DOTA, Version 0.01 - The “HARDEST GAME EVER” Release
By DivineOmega | May 6, 2007
A little project I started, mainly to help with my C++ revision. It is basically the beginning of a small retro-style adventure game. Note that at its current stage of development it is little more than 2 very plain rooms I used for testing (see the readme file for more information). I’m distributing this code until the GNU General Public License (GPL) in case the ideas I have here may be of use to anyone else.
Source Code: dota-hardest-game-ever.zip
For those who don’t get it straight away, the release title is a joke.
Tags: Programming, University | No Comments »
Funny Examination Answers
By DivineOmega | May 3, 2007
MATHS & SCIENCE
HISTORY
- Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
- The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
- It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
- Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.
- Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.
- The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is In the East and the sun sets in the West.
PHILOSOPHY EXAM - 1 hour
Question: What is Courage? (50 marks)
Student’s Answer: This is courage.
Tags: Examinations, History, Humour, Maths, Philosophy, Science | 1 Comment »
Current Console Setup
By DivineOmega | May 2, 2007
This is my current game console setup, including my recent two purchases, the Wii and projector. In addition, you’ll notice the amazing relic from my childhood, the Super Nintendo Entertainment System (or SNES, for short). At the moment, I have my Wii fully rigged up to the projector to produce a huge display on the opposite wall. Hopefully, if a certain eBay member produces the goods, I should be able to get my SNES on there as well.
Huge Retro Gaming Goodness! 
Tags: Consoles, Games, Nintendo, Projector, SNES, Wii | No Comments »
Creationism with Ricky Gervais
By DivineOmega | April 25, 2007
Tags: Atheism, Humour, Religion | No Comments »